I've just come off the phone to a good friend who told me that she 'pimped me out' this morning. She had met someone who is in a position to use my services as a speaker for his team and recommended my services to him. 

This morning someone retweeted one of my tweets with the tired, clichéd ABC of sales advice 'Always Be Closing'. 

My original tweet reads: 

During the Q&A session at the end of yesterday evening's presentation, one person asked me, "How do I ask for referrals?".

This simple question seems to be a major stumbling block for many people. There is so much power in your network. The potential for you to be introduced to potential new clients, to new employers, to people who can give you the access or information you need or even to key suppliers is massive. 

As a frequent traveller I simply don’t watch airline safety videos. OK, maybe I force myself every now and then to make sure I remember what has constantly been drummed into me over the years but, like many people, I switched off a very long time ago.

Let's stop patting ourselves on our backs. A tick box at the end of a form does not a referral strategy make. 

When I bought my car, as I signed the ownership forms, I was given a feedback form by the salesman. At the end of the form was a question asking whether or not I would be happy to recommend or refer the dealership. I ticked 'yes'. 

Last month I had my car serviced there. The customer service was excellent and at the end of our transaction I received a similar form with the same question at the end. Again, I ticked 'yes'. 

This is a tale of how I helped an Australian family I met in Iran to play table tennis on top of The Great Wall of China. 

It really is a small world! 

It's a question I'm sure you've been asked countless times and have possibly asked yourself. Maybe it's been posed in person, more often as a tick box on a post-sales questionnaire or client satisfaction survey. And so many companies seem to believe that it suffices as a referral strategy.

"Would you be happy to recommend us to your friends and family/colleagues?"

At a recent annual kickstart conference at which I spoke, one of the speakers talked to the assembled salesforce about all of the prospects for additional business that lie within their client bank. Referring both to the opportunities to upsell and generate potential new business from their clients, the director urged everyone to “Shake the tree”. When it came to my turn to speak, I asked for more.

The default referrals generation 'strategy' for so many businesses is one built on complacency and a complete misunderstanding of human nature. We believe that if we do a good job, our clients will automatically tell other people to use our services.

I've written about this extensively and there have been many studies that have argued that people are far more likely to tell others about you if they receive a poor service rather than a good one.

It's amazing how often people are nervous about asking for referrals. It's as if we are scared of being a burden to our networks rather than taking pleasure by enabling them to do something they enjoy. 

Yes, something they enjoy. Because, in my experience, most people seem to derive more pleasure from making a connection that makes a positive difference to someone else than they do even from receiving such introductions.