Stop playing the numbers

Networking is not a numbers game and I don’t want to be a notch on someone else’s networking bedpost.

A culture has developed around networking where the aim seems to be to gain the maximum number of business cards, connections, ‘friends’ or ‘followers’.

It’s understandable. When we launched networking groups in the early days of BRE we gave a prize to the person who collected the most business cards in a short ice breaker at the start of an event. When I started networking I foolishly counted the number of cards I collected to determine how successful an event had been for me. On some social networks we see people ranked by how many connections they have, on others there are special groups for the ‘most connected’ members.

It’s far easier to measure the quantity of connections rather than the quality of relationships and there has traditionally been little guidance to do otherwise. Short-term measurements aren’t, however, a true reflection of the quality of your network. Rather than focusing on the numbers of people in your network, it is far more valuable to understand the value those connections bring you.

I use the strapline ‘Connecting is not Enough’ in my business because I believe very strongly that many business people are being misled. The focus on connecting with as many people as possible is leading to shallow relationships and little return. Eventually such people will turn their backs on networking and, in the process, miss out on the true potential they could have realised.

Two years ago I wrote a blog ‘Why Connecting is not Enough’ after receiving a connection request on Ecademy. In the request the person looking to connect with me said, “I have been working several hours every day at making contacts with as many people as possible.” He had reached 1000 contacts in two weeks of membership of the site by sending out similar messages across the network.

The message he sent focused on him rather than me, but of course it had to. How could he possibly read 1,000 profiles and send personal messages to each and every person? A mass approach leads to broadcasting rather than engaging, telling rather than asking and speaking rather than listening.

Look around a networking event and you can identify who has a numbers approach to networking and who is focused on relationships. Watch people and see who is exchanging business cards as soon as they shake hands and launching into elevator pitches and compare them to people enjoying a relaxed conversation and building genuine rapport.

My approach to such events these days is very different to when I first started networking. I am happy if I have four or five good conversations, reinforce some existing relationships and make one or two good new connections. On LinkedIn and Facebook I only connect to people I have met, or who have established a conversation with me elsewhere. I do accept connection requests on other social networks, but have disabled notifications of such requests on some sites where the typical request had little explanation or thought to it.

Some might argue that my approach will mean that I could be missing out on some opportunities. They are absolutely right. The more people I connect to, the more chance of meeting key people with whom I can establish that relationship. The more cards I exchange, the more events I attend, the more people I speak with the greater the possibility of making the right connections.

Against that, however, I have to weigh the way I spend my time. I’d rather have the same number of conversations with a smaller number of people and get to know them better. I believe that, despite fewer opportunities, I’ll have a much greater chance to get the return I’m looking for.

Some people, when asked for their business card, like to hand out two or three. In case, of course, you meet someone who might need their help on your travels. How many people carry around all of the business cards of everyone they meet though?

You need to be in people’s memory, not in their business card holder.

After all, they are going to be in a greater position to help you if they recognise opportunities when they’re out and about, without a computer for reference.

That ability to recognise opportunities comes from developing a deep relationship where other people understand what you do, who you do it for and like and trust you enough to want to refer you.

Connecting is still not enough. You can have all of the friends and followers you like but without genuine relationships you might find yourself standing alone when you most need their help.